Quotes
Joey: Hey, what's up, man?
Chandler: I'm trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre!
Joey: Oh my god! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill
Goodacre! Chandler, listen, listen, Rrrrrrr rrr r rr! Chandler:
Ya, like that thought never entered my mind!
Jack Geller: There she is.
Joey: Some girl ate monica!
Monica: Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
Phoebe: He's in the Capades.
Joey: The Ice Capades?
Chandler: No, no, the Gravel Capades. Ya, the turns aren't as
fast, but when Snoopy falls - Funny!
Ross: Where have you been?
Carol: We've stopped at the gift shop.
Ross: The gift... wha wha wha?
Carol: I saw some stuffed animals and Susan wanted a chunkie.
Ross: Oh, Susan wanted a chunkie? We're having a baby, Ok a baby!
You don't stop for chunkies!
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.
Joey: We'll flip for it - ducks or clowns.
Chandler: Oh, we're gonn'a flip for the baby?
Joey: You got a better idea?
Chandler: All right, call it in the air.
Joey: "Heads"!
Chandler: "Heads" it is!
Joey: Yes!
Chandler: We have to assign "heads" to something.
Joey: Right, Ok, Ok, uh, ducks is "heads", because
ducks have heads!
Chandler: What kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday?
Chandler: Stick a fork in me, I am done!
Phoebe: Stick a fork, what?
Chandler: Like when you're cooking a steak.
Phoebe: Oh, OK, I don't eat meat.
Chandler: Well, then how do you know when vegetables are done?
Phoebe: Well, you don't. You just eat them, and you can tell.
Chandler: Ok, then. Eat me, I'm done!
Eddie: I've got a funny one, all right? My last girlfriend,
Tillie, Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these
pancakes, there was, like fifty pancakes, right, and all of a
sudden, she turns to me, all right, and she goes:
"Eddie", and I say: "Yea", and she says:
"Eddie!" hu hu "I don't want to see you any
more!" hu hu. And it was literally like she had reached into
my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life!
You know? And there, I don't know, there was like an incredible
abyss, you know, and I'm falling, and I keep falling, and I don't
think I'm ever going to stop! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That, uh, wasn't
such a funny story, was it?
Chandler: Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!
Get out!
Eddie: What?!
Chandler: You! Move out! Take your fruit, your stupid small fruit
and Get out!
Eddie: You want me to move out?!
Chandler: Uh huh!
Eddie: I, uh, I got'a tell you man, I mean, that's a kind'a out
of the blue, don't you think?
Chandler: This is not "out of the blue"! This is smack
dab in the middle of the blue!
Eddie: Wow! Relex! Take it easy buddy. Don't need to tell me
twice, you want me to go? All right. I'm gonn'a be by for my
stuff. But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with
my fish, you're insane, Jack!
Chandler: You want some help?
Eddie: No, no, no! No help required, Chicco!
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with
my kid.
Chandler & Joey: Oh, that's nice.
Ross: No, no, with him. I'm on this field,
and they hike me the baby, and I know I've got to do something,
'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me...
Joey: Tampa Bay has got a terrible team!
Ross: Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinking they
can take us. And so I just heave it down-field.
Chandler: What, you're kidding? That's a baby!
Joey: What, he should take the sack?
Janice: I'm sorry, I find it hard to believe that a group of
people who spends as much time together as you guys do, has never
"bumped uglies".
Chandler: Men are here!
Joey: We make fire! Cook meat!
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing no get invited back!
Chandler: Alright, OK. So I can't fire Joseph, but, uhh, I can
sleep with his wife.
Joseph: Karen.
Chandler: Yeah! Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with
her. Oh. You know what? I just did!
Continuation
Joseph: What the hell are you doing to me man?
Chandler: Oh, it's not me. It's my character. Chandy! The rogue
processor who seduces his co-workers wives for sport. And then
laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact. I have
her panties right there in my drawer.
Joseph: Really?!
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
Rachel: Ross, Ross, please listen to me! Ross, you are so much
better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me,
you're loving, you make me laugh.
Ross: Oh hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you
invite Paolo over for a little romp in the sack and I'll stand in
the corner and tell knock knock jokes.
Rachel: Ross! Look, what you and I have is special! all Paolo and
I ever had was...
Ross: Animal sex! Animal sex! So what are you saying? I mean
you're saying like there's nothing between us animal
at all. There's not even like a little animal? Not even like
like, Chipmunk sex?
Rachel: Ok, Ross, try to hear me. Ok, I am not going to lie to
you. It was good with Paolo.
Ross: Knock Knock!
Rachel: But, what you and I have is so much better. We have
tenderness, we have intimacy, we connect. You know I swear. This
is the best I have ever had!
Ross: Until now!
Rachel: Hey, guys! How was the movie?
Monica: Wonderful.
Phoebe: It was so good.
Joey: Suck fest!
Chandler: Total chick flick.
Rachel: Why ... can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Chandler: ...Looking at Rachel's breasts...
What? ...Looking up at her... What?
Rachel: Did you not get a good enough look the other day?
Ross: Alright. Alright. We're all adults here. There's only one
way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh,
you're going to have to show her your peepee.
Chandler: You know, I don't see that happening.
Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my tat!
Phoebe: It's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.
Monica: I can't believe he did this.
Chandler: C'mon Ross? Remember back in college when he fell in
love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive
crystal duck?
Joey: Shhh!
Rachel: What did you just say?
Chandler: ...Long Pause...Crystal Duck!
Rachel: No. No. No. The, um, the love part.
Chandler: Oh go...aaauu
Rachel: Oh my god.
Chandler: Oh. No! No! No! No! No!
Joey: That's good. Just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back
time.
Continuation
Rachel: This is unbelievable. I mean this is unbelievable!
Phoebe: I know. This is really really huge.
Chandler: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee!
Phoebe: I don't think any of are lives are ever going to be the
same ever again!
Chandler: Is there a mute button on this woman?
Mischa: Would you care to accompany me to the Rainbow Room? I
have diplomatic coupons.
Richard: Bam! Yes! Could that shot be any
prettier?
Gunther: Hey buddy. This is a family place. Put the mouse back in
the house.
Gunther: ...thinking to himself... Hey
Rachel, I was wondering if you would like to go to a movie with
me sometime - as my lover. Hmmm. To
"out-there". Maybe you'd just like to get something to
eat with me sometime - as my lover.
Gunther: ...takes a "drag"... Oh,
dark mother! Once again I suckle at your smoking teet!
Chandler: Why don't you hold on to that one...
Phoebe: Do you think that Susan person is her lover?
Ross: Well now I do!
Ross: Carol's pregnant!
Monica: Wha-Wha-wh-wha-whwhwhawh
Ross: Yea. Do that for another two hours, and you might be where
I am right about now.
Carol: You slept with another woman!
Ross: Oh! You're one to talk!
Ross: Look, will you guys grow up? This is the most natural,
beautiful thing in the world.
Joey: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby sucking on it!
Ben: Monica Bang.
Monica: 27 ... Italian American guy ... He's an actor ... Born in
Queens ... Wow! Big family. Seven sisters and he's the only boy.
Oh my god. Under personal comments: "New York Knicks
Rule."
Joey: Yea, the Knicks rule!
Joey: You're 18. She's 44. When
you'll be 36, she'll be 88!
Frank Jr.: What you think I don't know that?
Ross: Rach, did you proof-read these?
Rachel: Uh, yeah why?
Ross: Uh, nothing. I'm sure they'll be impressed with your
excelent computer skills.
Rachel: Oh my gohohd! Oh, do you think it's on all of them?
Joey: Oh, no, I'm sure the xerox machine caught a few.
Ross: Huh? What do you think? Two day of darts! (...in
a scottish accent...) It'll be great!
Joey: It'll be great for next weekend! I mean, (...in a
scottish accent...) It'll be great!
E-mail me: gary_mc_keown@hotmail.com
