The Craggy Island Parish Magazines
So how does Ted make a bit of extra cash on the side to finance his extravagant lifestyle? Well, the answer lies with the Craggy Island Parish Magazine, which you can now read a collection of in a new book from Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews.
Altogether there are 10 issues in this book, and each one is given a short review below.
November
17 1996- Father Ted gives and account of his recent sermon where
he debated whether hens know the difference between venial and
mortal sins. Unfortunately, this inevitably led to gossip amongst
the parishioners that Ted had run out of topics to talk about. Of
course this rumour is ridiculous, and Ted proved this by giving a
speech on the subject of space travel. This issue also includes
Mrs. Doyle's household tips on how to make a bed.
December 22 1996- This is the first
'colour' edition of the magazine, professionally coloured by the
printers. The first in the series of 'The History of Craggy
Island' 1690-1750 is in this issue, in which we learn of how the
island was submerged for two weeks, and some people floated off
as far as Gibraltar.
January 19 1997- Technology Alert!
The whole of the magazine has now been designed on computer. This
issue gives Mrs. Doyle's tips on making salad, and a further
instalment of the island's history- did you know that aborigines
were exiled to Craggy Island?
April 20 1997- Ted poses the
question 'Is Elvis still alive?' This issue includes some ads for
holiday accommodation, such as a unique 'Australian-themed'
caravan- in fact, it's just blown upside down in the wind! The
history of the island series continues, revealing that the first
railway was laid on the island in the 1880s, linking the east
coast to the west coast- a distance of 17 feet.
June 29 1997- This edition includes
a delightful sketch of Fr. Dougal by local artist Jim Sullivan.
In the latest in the series of Household Tips, Mrs. Doyle gives
guidelines on how to put clothes on a line. There is also a
selection of ads for fishtanks, such as the bulletproof specimen
available from Flanagan's Fishtanks, which can withstand up to
fifty bullets.
July 6 1997- This issue celebrates
Fr. Jack's 50th anniversary of being ordained as a priest. There
is also a collection of photo snaps, with Fr. Dougal appearing in
such exotic places as Paris, the Taj Mahal, and Italy. Part 1 of
the Story Of The Catholic Brothers is included, where we learn of
Edward Price, who would go on to found the great order, after
falling off a horse.
October 26 1997- The great news that
the All-Priests Holy Roadshow is returning is announced, and Fr.
Ted reassures readers that the chances of lightning striking
again are very slim. In part two of the series about the Catholic
Brothers, we learn of how Edward Price ordained himself a
Catholic Brother in a ceremony that was subsequently described as
'little more than a joke.' Mrs. Doyle gives tips on how to remove
excrement from carpet. There is also a selection from Fr. Jack's
photo album, such as one from the time he was the captain of a
ship, and another from the time when he was the chaplain to the
head of a South-American military junta.
January 28 1998- In this issue we
read of Fr. Jimmy Taft, a missionary to the Belgian Congo, who
fell down a well, and was inadvertently eaten by the natives.
There's also an ad from the fire service, which attends to 20
fires a year, advising that if you are on fire, go to the fire
station, where it will be extinguished after a short waiting
period.
April 26 1998- In this issue we read
about Denny Paine, a parishioner who's sunburn is so bad that it
spreads onto chairs and the carpet. He once appeared on a TV quiz
show, and the studio lights turned his skin so red, that viewers
had to turn down the colour on their TV screens.
June 7 1998- In this issue we read
about Craggy Islanders abroad, such as Mrs Eileen Long, a native
of Craggy Island since her birth in the late 1940s. After
complaining about the colourful language of a bellboy in Nassau
in the Bahamas, she was put under a voodoo curse by his uncle. As
result of this evil curse, she has taken on the characteristics
of a tree, growing bark around her body, and growing branches and
leaves out of her head. Luckily, doctors have ruled out the
chance of her turning into a rubber plant.
This book is published by Boxtree, an imprint of Macmillan Publishers Ltd. ISBN 0 7522 2472 7 . Copyright (c) 1998 Hat Trick Productions Ltd; Text Copyright (c) 1998 Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews.
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